Waiting

I heard the noise before I opened my eyes. I wondered how many of them were up already. I fought back temptations of anxiety thinking of the mess that was surely already made.
Fuel up. Don’t go out there empty and unarmed. Being a blessing to people includes the little people who live with me (and their friends who spend the night), right?
I grabbed my phone, opened my Bible app and was brought to this verse:
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. Lamentations 3:25
I breathed in this Scripture. The Lord is good. He is always good. He. Is. Always. Good. He is never un-good. He is forever good.
To those who wait for Him. Wait. Waiting. Expecting. Do any of us wait without a measure of expectation? I don’t wait at the red light without anticipating that it will eventually turn green again. I don’t wait for an order without watching for its arrival. Waiting implies a future result, a change.
Am I waiting on God? With anticipation of a future result or change? I highlighted this verse, whispered it to myself, prayed it into my body and soul in preparation of a tough morning. I remembered a podcast, The Messy Table, and the featured author, Kara Kae James, said that we limit God by thinking He can only reach out to us during the quiet. He reaches us, He is with us in the chaos, as well.
Duh. Of course He is, He is God. He’s kinda all powerful and stuff.
So. Instead of bracing for chaos, I resolved to embrace it. I knew there would be chaos, but I watched for God.

I want to write that I waited, with high expectation, but I confess I did not. My watching for God was a half-hearted, like, “Okay, God, that author said that you’re here in my chaos. I’m hoping that’s right. I’m stepping forward hoping I’ll see you in this crazy day.”

I didn’t wait. My expectations were weak. My faith was weak. (Why does it seem harder to have faith in the small everyday things that in the big ones?)
But God was there. He gracefully revealed His presence in sweet gifts and glimpses of His goodness. Boys growing up, showing maturity and thoughtfulness for younger ones. Girl time, with braids and bows and powder brushes. Feeding hungry kids, requests for more breakfasts, the and simple satisfaction of filling hungry little bellies. Six little beings, busy and active and loud in the house. It was a sweet day, with sweet memories. Thank you, Father. You are so good.
Where else do I need to wait with absolute anticipation? How would my life look differently if I faithfully expected His faithfulness?
Lord, let Your enablement, Your provision, Your empowerment NOT be an unexpected surprise, but teach me to wait in expectation of Your great and mighty work, even in my ordinary and my everyday. Some days I’m on my last worn out, frazzled nerve, beaten down by persistent questions, sanded raw by so many decisions to be made. Help me, in those moments, to willfully wait in anticipation of Your help. Thank You for the promise of Your goodness to me.

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